Week 5 – August 2009

He’s just not ready to commit.

I have come to the conclusion that there are some people who just do not want to commit. They are at a place in their lives when the idea of settling is simply at the back of their minds and no-where on their priority list. I know this because I was one of them.

I remember when I was 25 years old, I finished a five and half year relationship with a man who I loved, because I no longer wanted to focus on anyone or anything else but me! Yes I was selfish. I found myself in a place where all I wanted was to dedicate my every waking hour to my career, to building myself and to becoming the best business woman that I could be. My social calendar comprised of glamorous industry parties and my ‘9-5’ included building the portfolio and securing the next big contract. So, after months of toying back and forth in my mind, I decided to finish with my childhood sweet heart and embark on an adventure that comprised of me, myself and I!

Six years later and just about to turn 31, I realise that the 25 year old me was young and naive. I now know that I can multi-task in matters of the heart…I can do me at the same time as doing us! Since I am no longer governed by the fear of failure, I have calmed down and allowed myself to take my foot off the accelerator. I suppose I have had enough successes and life experiences to prove to me that I can enjoy the journey, rather than dedicating my every thinking moment to the end result. I have come to appreciate that my destiny really is pre-written, therefore as long as I just put in the hard work and show up…its mine for the taking.

But my realisation isn’t everyone’s. So when I sit down with a man and all he talks about is his ‘next big business deal’, I identity with it. I see myself, the younger version of me and I smile because rather than trying to change him, I recognise where he is at. I know that he isn’t ready for babies, marriage or discussions of future planning. The idea of going out to take a stroll in the park or a trip to theatre…just because it’s something nice to do…is alien to him. The fear that drove me, is the same fear that drives him. I see it, I identify with it…I have lived it!

You see ladies, I finally understand that it doesn’t matter how cute you are, or how many new hair do’s you may get. It’s immaterial how many dresses you buy, or how much you may try to use your womanliness to allure him! (Lol). Its irrelevant how much you want it, or how much you want to give to him. When someone is only willing to focus on themselves they simply can not focus on you. There is no I in WE, so if you want my advice? Dry the tears, let it go, because as harsh as it may sound the truth is…it isn’t about YOU…he’s just not ready to commit.