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Learn to say “NO” and mean it! Part 2
How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?
The question has just been posed. Pause.
Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no.” Well, let’s raise the volume on that voice.
Tips on how to say your ”NO!” 1. The “Wet lettuce NO”
If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO!
Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp. By saying NO in a non confident manner it will make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it!
2. The “Mr Angry NO”
This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO.
It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt.
It is not an effective way to communicate your NO.
Here are a couple of examples:
“NO. I’m not doing that rubbish. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you?”
“NO. I wouldn’t lower myself to do that piece of work”
3. The assertive NO
This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite voice say:
“No. I will not be able to do that for you”
Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet.
“No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my hair done at that time”
4. Use effective body language
When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications:
- Look the person in the eye when you say the NO.
- Shake your head at the same time as saying NO.
- Stand up tall.
- Use a firm tone in your voice.
5. When all is said and done
Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”
No-one should be pressurized into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.
Saying NO exercise
Practice makes perfect as they say! What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often.
So whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, “Would you like fries with that” or the shop assistant – practice saying NO to one person for at least the next 7 days.
You will be an expert come the end of the week!
What will happen?
- You will feel much more confident and proud.
- You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
- Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
- You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
- You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
The list goes on from there…
William Ury has learned that the most essential skill in negotiating and resolving conflicts is the one the vast majority of us have the most difficulty mastering: the ability to say "no." At the heart of the difficulty in saying no is the tension between exercising your power and tending to your relationship and the secret to saying no without destroying relationships is learning "the art of the positive no."
It is a three-step process that can profoundly transform the way we do business by enabling us to say yes to what counts - our own needs, values, and priorities. Whether one needs to say no to a colleague, employee, CEO, supplier or customer, you can learn to say no and still reach agreement, produce results, and preserve relationships.
Patricia Benjamin LCH dip
Coach and Professional Speaker
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