Learn to say “NO” and mean it!
How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?
Let me share some ideas you can use to make sure you don’t find yourself doing something you’d very much prefer not to do.
The question has just been posed. Pause.
Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no.” Well, let’s raise the volume on that voice.
What possible reasons could there be for saying no?
- It’s beyond your means?
- It’s beyond your comfort level?
- You have no interest?
Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.” Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.
What would happen if you said yes?
Perhaps:
- You would be considered a team player
- It would make your boss happy
- Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved
It comes down to a simple cost/benefit really.
Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request?
Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?
The role of guilt: Saying “no” is hard for many of us. Guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.
Saying “NO”
You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis; do honestly say “NO”.
Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly...in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say “NO.”
Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?
Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Then go, and say “NO.”
After you say “NO”
If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what?
After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!
They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request.
Be prepared for this! Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?
Revisit the questions you asked yourself before—what would happen if you said no, or yes?
If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns. Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further.
If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.
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